Today I looked down at my larger-than-used-to-be belly, which I think appeared over night, but I’m certain it’s been there for much longer, and I was hit with a dose of self-loathing.  The perfectionist voice chimed in  – “It’s not ok!  I’ve got to be 20lbs thinner and look like Ben Afleck.”  Nice!  I know.  

Perfectionism is one of our major, societal sicknesses.  Perfect grades – perfect manicured lawns – perfect partners – perfect children – perfect bodies – perfect responses and behaviors – perfect blah, blah, blah!  The people on the magazine covers are so photo shopped they look more like Barbie dolls then people.  The game of being real and authentic loses every time to the game of being perfectly fake.

What keeps the insanity going is the delusion that I might be able to make you think I’ve got my shit together.  This is called saving my face while covering my ass.  I pretend I’m whatever I think you want me to be, while covering up any part of me that doesn’t match that idea.  I’m not alone here, right?  Geez – no wonder we’re walking around lonely and disconnected.  We seldom allow our gut to hang out, our hair to be a mess, our wrinkles to show, or our childlike joy to make us look foolish.  

Perfectionism takes us out of life and keeps us on the sidelines so concerned about what others think about us that we don’t even get in the game.  Here is a truth that will set you immediately free, if you are willing to believe and embody it.  

“What you (or anyone) think about me is none of my business!”

What anybody thinks about you is 100% about them.  In fact, total freedom includes not even caring what you think about yourself!  There are countless rules and requirements that live inside you that keep you trapped in perfectionism.  Wouldn’t it be amazing to pay them no mind?

When perfectionism keeps you from loving yourself, speaking your truth, or living out loud – here’s what you do:

  1. Notice it – “Ah, perfectionism is here wanting to make me self-obsessed and play small.”
  2. Name it – tell someone it’s happening.  It’s the most powerful way to break the cycle.  “Hey, my friend.  I just want to let you know I am having a perfectionism spasm which is blocking me from being authentic.  Thanks for letting me share.”  (They will most likely be in awe of your bravery, which will already begin breaking the spell)
  3. Then say to perfectionism, “Perfectionism, you have no home here.  God (Higher Self), give me the courage to say what I need to say, do what I am to do, and the willingness to say it and do it imperfectly.  Give me the willingness to love myself exactly as I am.”  

Let’s give up needing or wanting to be perfect!  It’s a waste of time and energy – and we don’t have time to waste.  We’re here to be our most fabulous, flawed selves.

Love to you,  

MAL