For many of us, baptism was presented not as a choice, but as a requirement for salvation, a transaction made out of fear. But what if its original meaning was something else entirely? What if it was meant to be a beautiful, personal declaration of love and a commitment to a new way of life? This article is for anyone who feels a sense of dread around a ritual that was supposed to be joyful. The journey of healing from fear-based baptism beliefs is also a journey of reclamation. It’s about taking back a sacred symbol from the grip of fear and transforming it into a powerful, personal act of love and commitment to your own spiritual path, on your own terms.

Key Takeaways

  • Your spiritual pain is valid: The anxiety, guilt, and disconnection you feel are real reactions to fear-based teachings. This pain comes from human systems of control, not from a flaw in you or from the Divine.
  • Healing is an active process: You can move beyond spiritual trauma by taking intentional steps, such as separating harmful doctrines from your personal connection to God, practicing radical self-compassion, and finding support from safe communities or professionals.
  • Reclaim your faith by centering it on love: Building a new spiritual foundation means choosing love over fear. You can do this by shifting from fearful obedience to heartfelt devotion and adopting practices that help you experience God as a source of safety and unconditional acceptance.

What Are Fear-Based Baptism Beliefs?

For many, the idea of baptism is tied to a sense of dread rather than joy. If you feel a knot in your stomach when you think about it, you might be carrying the weight of fear-based beliefs. These beliefs often frame baptism not as a beautiful spiritual experience, but as a mandatory transaction to escape punishment. This perspective can create a deep spiritual wound that lasts for years, making you feel distant from the very source of love you crave. Let’s look at where these ideas come from and how they can distort our connection to the Divine.

The Roots of Fear-Based Beliefs

Many of us first learned about God in a context filled with “if-then” statements: “If you aren’t baptized, then you can’t be saved.” These messages, often absorbed in childhood, create a deep-seated fear of hell or divine punishment. This fear can be incredibly powerful, keeping you tethered to a belief system that no longer feels right in your heart. It creates a spiritual dissonance where your intuition tells you God is love, but your programming screams that God is a judge waiting for you to mess up. This is a common experience for those healing from religious trauma.

How Fear Became Central to Religion

It’s important to understand that using fear as a tool for control isn’t a divine strategy; it’s a human one. Throughout history, some religious institutions have used the universal fear of death and the unknown to maintain power and enforce compliance. They present a version of God who must be appeased and a path to salvation that is narrow and rigid. But a faith built on fear is a fragile one. It leaves no room for questioning, for personal growth, or for a genuine, loving relationship with Spirit. People are growing tired of a faith that adds to their anxiety instead of soothing it, and are actively seeking a more love-based spirituality.

When Baptism and Salvation Are Used as Weapons

In a fear-based system, sacred rituals like baptism can be twisted into weapons of exclusion and control. Instead of being a personal, joyful act of devotion, baptism becomes a public litmus test for salvation. The message becomes, “Are you one of us, or one of them?” This turns a beautiful symbol of rebirth into a tool for judgment, creating anxiety around getting it “right” so you can secure your spot in the afterlife. When salvation is presented as a prize to be won or a punishment to be avoided, it loses its true meaning as a homecoming to the unconditional love that is already your birthright.

The Lasting Impact of Fear-Based Religion

If you grew up in a religious environment where fear was the primary motivator, you know its effects don’t just disappear when you leave home or stop attending services. These early experiences can leave deep spiritual wounds that shape your entire adult life, influencing your relationships, your self-worth, and your connection to the Divine. It’s not just a matter of changing your mind about a few doctrines; it’s about healing from a system that may have taught you that you were fundamentally flawed, unworthy, or in constant danger of divine punishment.

This kind of spiritual programming can create a persistent, low-grade anxiety that hums in the background of your life. It can make you second-guess your own goodness and question your intuition. The truth is, a faith built on fear isn’t really about a relationship with God at all. It’s about control. It uses the threat of damnation or disapproval to manage behavior, leaving little room for genuine love, curiosity, or personal growth. Recognizing the lasting impact of these beliefs is the first step toward untangling yourself from them and finding a path back to a God of unconditional love. This journey of healing is a core part of the work we do in The God Immersion Program, where we gently dismantle these old structures.

The Cycle of Anxiety, Guilt, and Shame

When you’re taught to fear God, you can get trapped in a painful cycle. It starts with anxiety about breaking a rule or failing to meet an impossible standard of perfection. When you inevitably fall short, that anxiety turns into guilt. Soon, the guilt hardens into shame, the belief that you aren’t just someone who did something wrong, but that you are something wrong.

This cycle becomes a mental prison where you’re constantly policing your own thoughts and actions, terrified of making a mistake. It keeps you small and disconnected from your own inner wisdom. Instead of feeling guided by a loving presence, you feel watched by a critical judge, which makes it nearly impossible to experience true spiritual freedom or joy.

A Battle with Self-Worth and the Inner Critic

Fear-based teachings often become the voice of our inner critic. Doctrines that emphasize sinfulness, unworthiness, and the need for constant repentance can be deeply damaging to a child’s developing sense of self. When these messages are paired with harsh discipline or public shaming, the impact is even more profound. You internalize the idea that you are not good enough and that you must earn love and acceptance from both God and others.

This creates a relentless battle with your own self-worth. You might find yourself striving for perfection in your career, relationships, or personal life, all in an attempt to finally feel worthy. This is a core wound that many people bring to my Channeled Spiritual Healing Sessions, seeking to quiet that critical voice and connect with their inherent value.

The Weight of Spiritual Confusion

Being raised with the threat of hell or eternal separation from God can create a lifetime of spiritual confusion and trauma. If you were taught that your salvation depended on believing a very specific set of rules, you might feel terrified to question anything. This fear stifles your natural curiosity and prevents you from exploring your own unique spiritual path.

This confusion can leave you feeling spiritually homeless. You may no longer resonate with the religion of your childhood, but the fear it instilled makes it difficult to trust any other spiritual community or even your own connection to the Divine. You’re left in a spiritual limbo, wanting to believe in a loving God but haunted by the image of a punishing one. It’s a heavy weight to carry alone.

How Childhood Beliefs Show Up in Your Adult Life

The spiritual beliefs you learned as a child don’t stay in the past. They show up in your daily life in subtle but significant ways. For example, you might find it hard to make decisions for yourself, always looking for an external authority to tell you the “right” thing to do. You might struggle with people-pleasing, believing you need to perform and be perfect to be loved.

These old beliefs create an internal conflict. You can’t truly embrace a God of unconditional love while you’re still operating from a deep-seated fear of punishment. This conflict can manifest as self-sabotage, an inability to receive goodness, or a feeling of being disconnected from your purpose. Your adult life becomes a stage where these childhood fears play out, until you make the conscious choice to heal them.

Are You Still Carrying This Spiritual Wound?

Spiritual wounds aren’t always obvious. They don’t show up on an x-ray, but they can quietly influence your thoughts, relationships, and sense of self for years. If you grew up in a religious environment where fear was a primary motivator, you might be carrying pain you haven’t fully named. This trauma can create a deep disconnect between you and the Divine, leaving you feeling confused and alone. See if any of these lingering wounds feel familiar to you. Recognizing the source of the pain is the first step toward healing and finding your way back to a faith rooted in love.

A Persistent Fear of Divine Punishment

Does a part of you still brace for punishment? Many people who grew up with fear-based teachings live with a constant, low-level anxiety that they are one misstep away from divine wrath. This fear often stems from childhood lessons about hell or being cast out for not following the rules perfectly. As a result, you might find yourself clinging to religious practices out of a sense of obligation or dread, not genuine love or connection. This lingering fear can prevent you from exploring your spirituality freely, keeping you tethered to a version of God that feels more like a judge than a loving source.

Focusing on Rules Instead of Relationship

When your faith is built on fear, it often becomes a complex system of rules to follow rather than a relationship to nurture. Spirituality turns into a checklist of dos and don’ts, where your primary goal is to avoid getting into trouble. This creates an impossible conflict: how can you love a God you are also terrified of? This dynamic keeps you from experiencing the deep, unconditional love the Divine has for you. Instead of feeling held and supported, you might feel like you’re constantly being graded on your performance, a mindset that makes it difficult to move beyond a fear-based faith and into a true partnership with Spirit.

An Inability to Trust Spiritual Communities

For many, church or spiritual groups were supposed to be a source of safety and belonging. When those spaces use fear as a tool for control, it creates a profound sense of betrayal that can last a lifetime. This experience can leave you with a deep-seated mistrust of spiritual leaders and communities in general. You might feel guarded, skeptical, or simply exhausted at the thought of joining another group. This is a completely valid and understandable defense mechanism. Finding a truly safe space, like a Spiritual Awakening Circle, can feel daunting when past experiences have taught you that vulnerability can be risky.

Feeling Spiritually Stuck or Disconnected

The combined weight of these wounds often leads to one overarching feeling: being spiritually stuck. You want to connect with God, you crave a deeper sense of purpose, but something holds you back. It can feel like you’re in a mental prison built from old doctrines and anxieties. Many people describe the psychological impact of fear-based beliefs as a heavy barrier that blocks their spiritual growth. This disconnection isn’t a sign of failure on your part; it’s the natural outcome of a spiritual foundation built on fear instead of love. Your desire for something more is the first sign that a new way is possible.

Your Pain Is Real and Valid

If you’re reading this, a part of you probably feels a deep ache connected to your spiritual past. Maybe it’s a lingering anxiety about salvation, a sense of guilt you can’t shake, or a profound feeling of being disconnected from a God you were told to love, but also to fear. I want to be very clear: that pain is real. Spiritual wounds are not as visible as a broken bone, but they can impact your life just as much, creating a constant, low-grade hum of unease that affects your relationships, your self-worth, and your ability to trust.

It’s so easy to second-guess this kind of pain. You might tell yourself you’re being dramatic, that you should just “get over it,” or that your experience wasn’t “that bad.” This internal conflict is a common and exhausting part of the healing process. You’re not imagining things, and you’re not alone in feeling this way. The system that caused the wound often convinces us the wound isn’t there. Understanding why we dismiss our own spiritual pain is the first step toward finally giving it the attention and care it deserves.

Why We Tend to Dismiss Our Own Spiritual Pain

Many of us were taught that questioning our faith was a sin, a direct line to divine punishment. When the very beliefs that cause us pain also forbid us from doubting them, we get stuck. This fear of damnation can keep you tethered to a doctrine that hurts, because leaving feels even scarier. You might dismiss your pain because acknowledging it feels like a betrayal of God, when it’s really just a healthy response to harmful teachings.

The psychological toll of these doctrines is immense; they can create mental prisons where fear dictates your entire perception of yourself and the Divine. When you’ve lived inside this prison for years, the fear starts to feel normal. You dismiss your spiritual pain because you’ve been conditioned to see it as a necessary part of faith, rather than a sign that something is deeply wrong. Recognizing this pattern is crucial for anyone seeking to heal from religious trauma.

Healthy Faith vs. Fear-Based Control: What’s the Difference?

At its core, the difference between a healthy spirituality and a fear-based one comes down to a single choice: love or fear. You simply cannot build a genuine connection with the Divine from a place of fear while also trying to embrace a God of love. As the saying goes, love doesn’t fear, and fear doesn’t love. A healthy faith feels expansive, freeing, and unconditional. It invites you into a relationship. A fear-based system feels constrictive, demanding, and conditional. It uses rules to manage you.

Fear is a powerful tool for control. Many religious structures use the fear of death, hell, or social exclusion to keep people in line. But this isn’t spirituality; it’s manipulation. A loving faith empowers you to find the Divine within yourself and trust that connection. It doesn’t need to threaten you into belief. Exploring this difference is often easier in a supportive environment, like a Spiritual Awakening Circle, where love is the guiding principle.

How Fear Distorts Our Image of God

When you’re taught to relate to God through fear, it’s like looking at the Divine through a warped and cloudy lens. This perspective flattens the infinite, loving presence of God into a one-dimensional figure: an angry, disappointed authority figure who is constantly watching for your mistakes. A faith built on fear often centers on sin, judgment, and punishment. It creates a spiritual reality where you are always on the verge of messing up and falling out of favor.

This version of God is impossible to truly love because you are too busy trying to appease and avoid angering them. As one pastor noted, many people are tired of this dynamic and are actively moving beyond fear-based faith. You simply cannot hold two opposing images of God in your heart at the same time. You can’t believe in a God of unconditional love while also fearing a God of conditional punishment. At their core, fear and love are incompatible forces. When you’re taught that fear is the correct way to approach God, it fundamentally distorts your ability to experience the pure, unconditional love that is your spiritual birthright.

What a Love-Centered Spirituality Actually Looks Like

A spirituality centered in love feels completely different. It’s not about following rules to avoid punishment; it’s about cultivating a relationship that brings you peace. When you strip away the fear, you find what most of us were looking for in the first place: hope, kindness, forgiveness, and a deep sense of belonging. It’s a faith that feels like a warm embrace, not a constant test.

This path is about recognizing that you are always surrounded by and held in God’s love, no matter what. This realization is the key that helps you finally let go of the fear of not being good enough. Instead of striving for perfection, you can rest in the truth of your inherent worth. This is the kind of supportive environment we foster in the Spiritual Awakening Circle, where connection replaces condemnation.

Reclaiming Baptism as an Act of Love

For many of us, baptism was presented as a non-negotiable ticket to heaven, a ritual performed out of fear of the alternative. But what if we reclaim it as an intentional act of love? The original meaning of baptism was not about escaping hell, but about consciously choosing a new way of life. It was meant to be a decisive transition from an old, fear-driven existence to a new one rooted in love and forgiveness.

Imagine baptism not as a transaction, but as a personal declaration. It’s a promise you make to yourself and to the Divine to live from a place of love and truth. It’s a beautiful, radical act of turning toward God, not running from a fabricated version of hell. When you see it this way, baptism becomes a powerful symbol of your spiritual homecoming and your commitment to a life guided by love.

7 Steps to Heal from Fear-Based Beliefs

Healing from spiritual wounds is a process of unlearning and rediscovering. It requires courage, patience, and a willingness to see yourself and the Divine through a new lens. These seven steps are a map to guide you back to a faith rooted in love, not fear. You don’t have to do them all at once. Start with the one that feels most accessible to you right now, and know that every small step forward is a profound act of healing.

1. Acknowledge the Wound

The first step is to give yourself permission to call this what it is: a wound. For too long, you may have been told your pain wasn’t real or that your fear was a sign of a healthy reverence for God. That is not the truth. Fear-based doctrines can have a deep psychological impact, creating internal prisons of anxiety and shame that limit your growth. Acknowledging the harm is not an act of rebellion against God; it’s an act of honesty that opens the door to true healing. Your feelings are valid, and the pain you carry deserves to be seen and tended to with care.

2. Separate Doctrine from Your Divine Connection

It’s crucial to understand that religious doctrine and your personal connection to the Divine are two different things. The rules, interpretations, and threats you learned were created by people. Your relationship with God, however, is innate, personal, and sacred. A faith built on fear and a faith built on love cannot coexist. As one pastor wisely put it, you can’t believe in a God of fear and a God of love at the same time because “love doesn’t fear and fear doesn’t love.” You can let go of the human-made dogma that hurts you without letting go of God. Your spirit knows the difference.

3. Find Professional, Trauma-Informed Support

You don’t have to walk this path alone. Seeking professional support from a trauma-informed therapist or counselor can be a game-changer. These professionals understand the complexities of religious trauma and can provide a safe space for you to process your experiences without judgment. A good therapist won’t dismiss your spirituality. Instead, they will encourage you to explore your spiritual beliefs and practices as a vital part of your healing journey. They can give you tools to manage anxiety, rebuild your self-worth, and untangle the knots of fear-based thinking.

4. Practice Radical Self-Compassion

For years, you may have been taught that you were flawed, sinful, or unworthy. Now is the time to meet yourself with radical self-compassion. This means forgiving yourself for the ways you learned to survive, for the beliefs you once held, and for any shame you’ve carried. Think of grace not as something you have to earn, but as a gentle sense of acceptance that you can offer yourself right now. This self-forgiveness is a powerful practice that helps you release the heavy burden of shame-based perceptions and begin to see yourself as the Divine sees you: whole, worthy, and unconditionally loved.

5. Reread Sacred Texts Through a Lens of Love

If you feel ready, you might consider revisiting the sacred texts that were once used to instill fear. This time, however, read them through a new lens of unconditional love. Look for the passages that speak of compassion, forgiveness, and connection. For example, the Bible itself says, “There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). When you intentionally search for love, you’ll find that these texts can transform from a source of anxiety into a source of comfort and affirmation. You get to reclaim these words and find your own truth within them.

6. Find a Safe Spiritual Community

Healing is not a solitary activity. We heal in community, surrounded by people who see us, accept us, and support our journey. It’s time to find a spiritual community that feels safe, affirming, and aligned with a love-centered faith. This might be a local group, an online circle, or a gathering of like-minded friends. A healthy community recognizes that trauma is real and prioritizes creating a space where everyone feels secure and honored. Our Spiritual Awakening Circle is one such place, designed to help you connect with others who are also committed to healing and growing in love.

7. Partner with a Spiritual Guide

While a therapist helps you heal the psychological wounds of the past, a spiritual guide helps you build a new, life-giving relationship with the Divine for the future. Working with a spiritual teacher or mentor can provide you with direct guidance, sacred practices, and a clear path forward. This is a partnership rooted in your spiritual language and what matters most to you. Through practices like Channeled Spiritual Healing Sessions, you can receive direct wisdom and healing that restores your bond with God and helps you remember the truth of who you are.

How to Build a Faith Based on Love

After acknowledging the pain caused by fear-based beliefs, the next step is to consciously build a new spiritual foundation, one rooted firmly in love. This isn’t about swapping one set of rigid rules for another. Instead, it’s about cultivating a genuine, personal, and deeply loving relationship with the Divine. It’s a shift from seeing God as a distant, critical authority figure to knowing God as an ever-present source of unconditional love and support.

This process is an active one. It requires you to make intentional choices about what you believe, how you practice your faith, and who you share your journey with. It’s about learning to trust your own inner wisdom and your direct connection to a loving Source. Moving from a faith of fear to a faith of love is a true homecoming, a return to the safety, peace, and belonging that is your spiritual birthright. The following steps are practical ways you can begin to build this beautiful, life-affirming connection for yourself.

Shift from Obedience to Devotion

A faith built on fear demands obedience. It operates on a system of “if-then” statements: If you follow the rules, then you will be rewarded (or at least spared punishment). This creates a transactional relationship with God, one where you are constantly trying to earn love and avoid wrath. A faith built on love, however, inspires devotion. Devotion is a heartfelt, willing connection that comes from a place of gratitude and awe, not obligation.

You simply cannot believe in a God of fear and a God of love at the same time. As one pastor wisely put it, “Love doesn’t fear and fear doesn’t love.” To heal, you must choose. Shifting from obedience to devotion means you stop trying to please a distant judge and start opening your heart to a loving presence. It’s about wanting to connect with God because it feels good, not because you’re afraid of what will happen if you don’t. This is the core of Mark Anthony Lord’s approach to spirituality.

Choose Spiritual Practices That Reinforce Love

What you do every day shapes what you believe. If your spiritual practices are filled with self-criticism or a sense of obligation, they will only reinforce fear. To build a faith based on love, you need to choose practices that make you feel safe, connected, and cherished. This could mean swapping rote prayers for heartfelt conversations with God, where you speak as you would to a trusted friend.

Realizing that you are always surrounded by God’s love is a practice in itself. You might try loving-kindness meditation, journaling about things you’re grateful for, or simply walking in nature and noticing the beauty around you. The goal is to find activities that help you experience the Divine as a comforting, nurturing presence. A Channeled Spiritual Healing Session can also be a powerful way to directly experience this divine love and receive personalized guidance for your journey.

Reconnect with God as a Source of Safety

For many who grew up in fear-based religion, the idea of God is tangled up with anxiety and the threat of punishment. A crucial part of healing is to consciously rewire this association and reconnect with God as your ultimate source of safety. Your faith can be a powerful anchor, providing hope and healing, especially when you face mental and emotional challenges. Instead of being a source of stress, your spirituality can become your greatest resource for peace.

Practice seeing God as a safe harbor. You can do this through visualization, imagining yourself held in a warm, protective light. You can use affirmations like, “I am safe, I am loved, I am held by the Divine.” This isn’t about spiritual bypassing or ignoring your pain. It’s about inviting a higher power to hold that pain with you. Programs like The God Immersion Program are designed to help you restore this bond and experience God as a source of profound safety and miracles.

Let Community Sustain Your Healing

Healing from spiritual trauma can feel isolating, but you don’t have to do it alone. The right community can be a lifeline, offering the support and understanding you couldn’t find in your past religious experiences. The key is finding a group of people committed to love, not control. A healthy spiritual community creates a place of healing where you can be honest about your doubts, fears, and questions without being judged.

When a faith community recognizes that spiritual trauma is real, it becomes a much safer space for everyone. Look for groups where vulnerability is welcomed and where the focus is on shared growth and mutual support. Being around others who are also committed to building a faith based on love will reinforce your own healing and remind you that you are not alone on this path. A group like the Spiritual Awakening Circle provides this kind of sacred space to heal and grow with others.

Healing Is a Homecoming

Moving away from fear-based beliefs can feel like a long, difficult journey, but it’s helpful to reframe it. This process isn’t about fixing something that’s broken inside of you. Instead, think of it as a homecoming. It’s a return to the truth of who you are and a restoration of your personal, loving connection with the Divine. The wholeness you seek isn’t something you have to build from scratch; it’s something you uncover. It has been there all along, waiting patiently beneath the layers of fear, guilt, and dogma. This journey is about coming home to yourself.

A true homecoming requires that we first acknowledge where we are, without judgment. It means looking at our own hurts and perceived brokenness with compassion, not criticism. This is often the hardest part, as fear-based teachings train us to be our own harshest critics. But by gently holding space for your pain, you create the safety needed for real healing to begin. This is where a guided, loving presence can make all the difference, helping you see your own story with kindness. A Channeled Spiritual Healing Session can provide that sacred space to be seen and heard without judgment.

For many of us, faith is a deep and essential part of who we are. As you heal, you may find that your faith serves as a cornerstone of your identity, offering a profound sense of meaning and hope. The goal isn’t to discard your spirituality but to reclaim it. This is about rediscovering a relationship with God that is rooted in unconditional love, not conditional acceptance. It’s about finding a spiritual path that speaks your language and honors what truly matters to you. Finding a community that supports this exploration, like a Spiritual Awakening Circle, can be a powerful part of this return. Ultimately, healing is the process of remembering the love that you are and have always been.

Related Articles

Frequently Asked Questions

I’m afraid to question my old beliefs because I was taught it was a sin. How do I get past that? That fear is completely understandable, and it was likely programmed into you as a way to prevent questioning. The first thing to remember is that a loving, expansive God is not afraid of your curiosity. Questioning isn’t a sign of a failing faith; it’s a sign of an honest one. You can start small by simply allowing yourself to say, “I’m not sure about this,” without needing an immediate answer. This isn’t about rebellion, it’s about seeking a relationship with the Divine that feels true and authentic to your heart.

How can I tell if a new spiritual group or teacher is safe and not just another form of control? This is a brilliant and necessary question. A safe spiritual space will feel expansive, not restrictive. Pay attention to how leaders handle questions; they should welcome them, not shut them down. A healthy community doesn’t rely on “us versus them” language or create a sense of urgency and fear about outsiders. Most importantly, trust your intuition. If something feels off, or if you feel pressured to conform, it’s okay to walk away. A true guide empowers you to find your own answers, they don’t demand you accept theirs.

Does healing from fear-based religion mean I have to abandon my faith or God entirely? Not at all. For many people, this healing journey is about reclaiming their faith, not discarding it. The goal is to separate the harmful, human-made doctrines from your personal, innate connection to the Divine. Think of it as clearing away debris to find the beautiful foundation that was there all along. This process allows you to build a new relationship with God on your own terms, one that is based on the love and support you’ve always craved.

What’s the difference between working with a therapist and a spiritual guide for this kind of healing? Both can be incredibly helpful, and they serve different but complementary roles. A trauma-informed therapist can help you process the psychological impact of your experiences, giving you tools to manage anxiety, depression, and rebuild your sense of self-worth. A spiritual guide, like Mark, works with you to actively build a new, healthy relationship with the Divine. They help you create new spiritual practices and restore your bond with God in a way that feels personal and life-giving.

I feel a lot of anger about my past religious experiences. Is that a normal part of this process? Yes, it is absolutely normal, and it’s also very healthy. Anger is often a sign that you are recognizing that your boundaries were crossed and that you were hurt. It’s a powerful energy that shows your spirit is fighting for its freedom. Instead of seeing it as a “bad” emotion, try to see it as a messenger. It’s telling you what was not okay, and it’s giving you the fuel to create something new and better for yourself. Allowing yourself to feel it without judgment is a huge step in the healing process.